Misci - My Pre-50 list

What's a Pre-50 list? According to my new buddy, Thomas, I need a list of things to achieve before 50. This all came about earlier this week from my post about Memories and Regrets. If you guys didn't see his comment, please read it.

Thomas, thank you for reading and caring enough to respond. What a precious person you are and how fortunate are the people who are lucky enough to be able to know you personally!

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We all have moments of regret stemming from memories of times past. A few days ago I was having some of those "remember when" moments. The moments turned into a great big "What in the world happened?" and "What am I doing with my life?" day. The day has now morphed into a "How am I going to get back on track? And do I even want to..." week.

It happens, right? No big deal.

This past year meant many changes for myself and my family. I felt a strong calling to serve my community more and, in answer to that call, left my full-time job of ten years. It wasn't something I did lightly. A lot of thought and planning went into the move. I even had some ducks lined up to tide us over, as we weren't in the perfect financial situation.

Unfortunately, the first duck flew off without the full payout, which left us with unanticipated bills remaining. The second duck was rejected and is basically dead in the water without further funding. The third duck laid a multitude of eggs, which all fertilized, and left us with more unexpected bills. You see where this is going....

In the midst of the duck saga, my son decided he wanted to be homeschooled this year due to many issues during his first year in middle school. The issues were leading to health problems and were changing him into someone he didn't even like, so I readily accepted the challenge. This was a large goose, come to roost...unexpectedly...

My dedication to the community has never wavered in all of this. It has actually grown stronger. As a family, we spend about 35 hours a week volunteering in some capacity or another. About 20-25 hours of that is mine, in an average week. This is such a bright spot in my life and a wonderful area of growth for my family. I would hate to give it up.

I'm stuck. I'm torn between an obligation to provide for my family and the heartfelt obligation I feel to serve God completely in this area. My prayers are continually answered with the feeling that I need to continue in my service. However, my faith is wavering on where the funds will come from to sustain us.

The sales at my store on e-Bay have dropped to almost nothing. My Etsy shop has yet to garner a sale. And I keep pushing. I'm afraid that if I wait any longer we may lose everything we have, which truly isn't all that much. Yet, that said, I'm even more afraid that I'll fail God in the quest He's given me.

So here's my baby steps to a "Pre-50 list" -

• Continue serving God and His people to the best of my ability.
• Search for and secure a part-time job as fast as possible.
• Continue praying for guidance.
• Continue homeschooling my son in the fall, because I feel it's the best education we can give him.
• Continue promoting my Etsy and e-Bay shops for another 2 months. If things don't pick up, I'll have to stop spinning my wheels there.

This post is not about pity or sympathy. It's about reality. It's about choices all of us face daily and how we choose to handle them. Do we get up and dust ourselves off or wallow in the dirt wondering why we keep getting dirt up our nose?

Is this the right answer for me? I won't know for a few weeks but, it's a chance I have to take or risk losing a roof over my head. Sadly, when I say that, I'm mentally confronted with all of the verses in the Bible that tell me that God will provide. So, am I misinterpreting my calling or not trusting enough??? That's a million dollar question...where's Miss Cleo when you need her?

Disclaimer: There were no ducks or geese hurt in the writing of this post!